Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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