Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
