In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
