A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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