Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
