she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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