It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize