I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
