So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
