dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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