can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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