i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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