I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Randomize
