If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
