you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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