I never want to see another naked old woman again.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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