Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
