Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize