When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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