Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
