WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
