you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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