I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize