We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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