the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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