"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
