the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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