Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
