Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Randomize
