and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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