he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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