he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I need to sanitize my soul.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
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