He disabled his match.com account in front of me
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
