...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
