We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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