I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
