it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
