yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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