you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
