Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Randomize
