I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
