I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
