Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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