How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
