if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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