I want to stick my p in your. b.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
