Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
