You just made me feel so damn special
Do you still have your period?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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