If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize