i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
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