He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
