How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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