I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
