she woke up with a sticky ear
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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