Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize