this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Randomize
