so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
