Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He felt like a one man threesome
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
