i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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