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Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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