haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
