"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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