Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
