Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize