So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Randomize
