i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
