at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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