Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
