Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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