I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
