I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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