Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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