It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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