Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Randomize
