I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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