Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
