The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
