My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize