Your face is a jimmy john
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
