its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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