I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
