u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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