We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
