feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I don't deserve a penis
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
