Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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