MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
